Garden Space, The Dirt

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We wave when we drive by folks on a minimally driven country road. We wave when we pass our neighbors. We wave when someone lets us through on a narrow road, and we wave when someone lets us merge or change lanes. I love the wave, it makes me happy to both give and receive it, and I try to practice it dutifully. Living in Texas, and driving in Austin traffic, I've also become familiar with my place on the road rage spectrum, as well as the places of others when my driving has been arguably subpar. Recently, I tried to merge into traffic, and a fellow driver did a thing. It's that thing that people do when they see a blinker, but they don't want to let you in. They speed up and tailgate the person in front of them to block your merge. Yeah, that thing. I wasn't yelling obscenities or white-knuckling my steering wheel or anything, but I was laser focused on that car that was now in front of me who had the douchebag audacity to block my merge. I totally forgot about the car behind me, with the driver that graciously and patiently DID let me in. I didn't wave. In that moment, with my sympathetic nervous system activated to fight, I forgot about the good in the world. I couldn’t see it. I only saw what annoyed me, and what my nervous system perceived as a threat. A moment later, when I remembered the people behind me, I waved (maybe too late), my irritation was diffused, and balance was restored in my little world. Some moments take longer to when it comes to deactivating that automatic fight/flight response, and it’s worth practicing ways to bring it down when it feels stuck. As minor as this event is in the grand scheme of things, my nervous system response from the oldest, most survival-oriented parts of my brain led to a compromise of my values. For that moment I wasn’t the me that I identify with. I lost focus on a small kindness that was given to me along with the little good thing I enjoy doing in the world to make it a better place (because small kindnesses DO have a ripple effect). Imagine what this looks like with true and pervasive rage; with distrust rooted in trauma or human needs chronically going unmet. Imagine the disconnect between the self, values, and the ability to experience good in the world. Maybe this is you, or maybe it’s the experience of someone you love. There are tools and support that can help. I see you, and I’m waving.